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Oh my God. I'm the tin dog.

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28th November 2015

12:01am: 882
Sausages have been found upon microscopic examination to contain things I would never name in front of a woman who liked me, unless she liked me in a very scary way.

27th November 2015

12:01am: 881
When I was a kid I knew I wanted to be a science-fiction author. It wasn't until recently that I realized why.

They were the only grownups who never lied to me.

26th November 2015

12:01am: 880
Chuck Norris is so tough, Chloe Grace Moretz would have to hit him twice to kill him.

25th November 2015

12:01am: 879
Does anyone remember the nostalgia craze?

24th November 2015

12:01am: 878
My fondest memory of junior high is the day I asked the school nurse, "Is it supposed to get this big?"

23rd November 2015

12:01am: 877
Is bratwurst made from real brats?

Gosh, I hope not.

You don't know where they've been.

22nd November 2015

12:01am: 876
ISIS stands for Islamic State of Iraq and Syria.

Aside from being the name of a deity whose every worshiper they would slaughter if encountered, the acronym actually comes out to ISOIAS.

I suggest an alternative: Allah's National Unified State.

Much more accurate.

21st November 2015

12:01am: 875
Various authorities recommend brushing your teeth with a soft toothbrush.

Why they care if your plaque is nice and smooth I have no idea.

20th November 2015

12:01am: 874
Many people were perplexed by the ISIS terror attacks in Paris on the 13th.

I wasn't.

France lets Moslems get away with more crap than any other Western nation.

They're a good prospect for conquest.

19th November 2015

12:01am: 873
At A Convention, Continued:

Human to demon: "Jesus won't be joining us. I snuck into his room while he was taking a shower-- which he hates, but of course he can't take baths-- and left the nightstand drawer open and a bunch of blue pencils next to the Bible."

18th November 2015

12:01am: 872
At a Convention:

Demon to human: "Jesus isn't going to be at Karaoke Night, is he? He always bums everybody out by singing 'And Then He Kissed Me'."

17th November 2015

4:02pm: Answer for question 4552.
What sites online do you spend the most time visiting in a day (for personal use, not business)? Do you find it easy or hard to limit the amount of time you spend "surfing"? What's your favorite place to hang out? What site do you like the least that lots of your friends use?

Next you'll be asking if the new background makes you look fat.
12:01am: 871
It occurred to me while doing laundry that the rule that front-loaders are better than top-loaders does not apply if you drive a dumptruck.


16th November 2015

9:40pm: Somebody Posted This
And it made me sad:

"If you think that all of the 1.3 billion muslims in the world are potential terrorists?

Defriend me now. Before I defriend you.

I stand with my muslim friends."

Thing is, I don't think about it much.

Just so happens.
12:01am: 870
I am a heretic. I practice Syncretic Heresy. Whenever I encounter an assertion, in any religion, which is clearly nonsense, I immediately adopt the contrary view.

If I put my mind to it, I could get myself burned at the stake in any country on Earth. Even Canada*.

I think I can also get a novel out of it.

(*Even Iceland, and they have to import wood.)

15th November 2015

12:01am: 869
Recently I was going through a crowded CostCo on one of those power chairs (for which I am most grateful) when it came to me that the people who speak of coping with a zombie apocalypse always leave out something important:

Get the shopping carts away from them.

14th November 2015

12:01am: 868
It has occurred to me suddenly that parody porn is neglecting the classics. Consider Wagner, and the possibilities inherent in The Ring Of The Nibblings.


13th November 2015

6:28pm: Answer for question 4550.
Do you consider yourself a religious person? If so, which religion do you affiliate with? If not, why not? Do you consider being "religious" different from believing in a higher power?
I am a Syncretic Heretic; whenever I learn of a belief which is obviously wrong, I immediately adopt the contrary position.

I can get myself burned at the stake in any country on Earth if I put my mind to it. (Even Iceland, and they have to import wood.)

Belief in a higher power is to religion as love is to prostitution. It's charging people money to talk to God.

To (possibly mis)quote Doctor Sir Terry Pratchett, when somebody gets a Calling, frequently what it's saying is "It's indoor work with no heavy lifting."
12:01am: 867
The plural of "con" is "consensus".

12th November 2015

4:30pm: Answer for question 4549.
Do you have one person you consider your "best friend"? Do you think you are theirs as well? How often, as you've grown older, does your best friend switch from one person to another?
Yes; yes; almost never happens.
12:01am: 866

11th November 2015

4:08pm: Answer for question 4548.
What movies being released in the upcoming holiday movie season are you most excited about (if any)? Have you ever gone to a midnight showing on opening day for a very popular movie -- did you enjoy it, or would you rather have just slept in and went to see it the next day? If you could re-release any one movie from the past to the "big screen", what one would you choose and why?
Meh. Never done that. What I'd like rereleased is the original full-length 2001: A Space Odyssey. (The which I saw five times in the theater, and was bitterly disappointed by the mutilated, non-thought-provoking version on TV.)
12:01am: 865
Does anyone besides me find it intensely suspicious that the world's most famous team of people who go around denying the supernatural and assuring people it doesn't exist includes a talking dog?

10th November 2015

7:21am: Answer for question 4547.
Cosplay ('costume play') is a popular pastime for many people -- dressing up as a favorite fictional character for different reasons (conventions, holidays, events). For those who partake, what's the best costume you've ever created or worn? What's the best one you've ever seen from someone else?
I am an Earthman like yourself. I do not wear a costume.
12:01am: 864
From time to time I hear something else about the Church that makes me want to go to a priest and say, "I've gone through confirmation and taken communion, when I was young, but now that I'm old I'd like to know what I have to do to experience excommunication, since I'm pretty sure that when I die my soul will get a better shake if I'm not on record as a Catholic."

And I don't mean just to see the look on his face, either.
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