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Oh my God. I'm the tin dog.

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27th May 2015

7:37am: Answer for question 4384.
Which United States political party do you think is most responsible for the government shutdowns or near-shutdowns that have occurred over the past few years, and why?
Obviously the Party that had the power to force the shutdown: the Democrats. The fact that they shut things down because they couldn't get everything they wanted does not make the people who refused to give it to them responsible, any more than a bank is responsible for the hostage situation when a bank robber doesn't get what he wanted. The Democrats just used a lot more hostages, that's all.
12:01am: What? 697
Deficit relief

More than half of all Federal spending is what has been labeled "entitlements"-- some small but measurable fraction of which actually consists of retirement and disability pensions and veterans' medical care, things to which the recipients are actually entitled.

It is the law of the land that a sitting Congress cannot vote itself an immediate pay raise. Nobody seems to have any trouble understanding that this is a good idea.

But in 2011, when a Washington State legislator suggested barring people who get "entitlements" from voting, any number of folks became positively indignant at the idea that people getting free money from the government be prevented from doing exactly the same thing.

26th May 2015

12:01am: What? 696
Variation on an old joke:

"I keep seeing goblins out of the corner of my eye."

"Have you seen a psychiatrist?"

"Once, yes, but mostly just goblins."

25th May 2015

1:42pm: Answer for question 4380.
If you were in a band, what instrument/role would you play? What kind of music would your band play? What would be the name of your band?
Conductor. Classical/baroque. The Hoople Tromboon Quartet.
12:01am: What? 695
I have been contemplating what would happen if a TV studio gave a director creative control of a production of THE TEMPEST:

Pare down the cast list, it's too hard to follow.

Dukes are undemocratic. Make Prospero a geeky scholar.

Give Miranda a cuter name.

Throw in another hot chick so there's this frenemy thing going on between the two.

Leave out all the murder and rape stuff so kids can watch.

Also leave out all the magic, because some exec's wife thinks that's Satanism.

And make it into just one shipwreck, make Caliban dumber but better-looking with a boss of his own, and make the drunks into a rich married couple. With one of those little useless dogs.

And make Caliban the star. We can call it "Caliban's Island".

...oh fuck.

24th May 2015

12:01am: What? 694

23rd May 2015

12:01am: What? 693
Our new house has a gas stove with electronic controls.

Why is that wrong?

Valerie didn't know either.

22nd May 2015

12:01am: What? 692
A hyphen in a word that is understand-able with-out* the hyphen has the effect on my ability to follow narrative that a floating ship mine from WWII in a pool has on my ability to swim laps.

I believe I am not alone in this; there is surely a reason why America has abandoned the hyphens we inherited from the British, and it has to do with preferring what works to what the rules are**.

(*Both of those words used to be hyphenated.)

(**I am not saying that agrarian, crude America was able to outstrip the industrialized, organized British in economic development because the British were using superfluous hyphens. That wasn't the only reason. Probably.)

21st May 2015

12:01am: What? 691
I would have hired John Henry, the expert, to run the goddamn steam drill.

20th May 2015

8:07am: Answer for question 4374.
What is your favorite Classic Disney film and why?
Lilo and Stitch.

12:01am: What? 690
"Did you know Al Gore was born exactly nine months after the alien incident at Roswell?"

"Okay, first of all, there was no 'alien incident' at Roswell, second, myth has it that it happened July fourth and March 31 is not 'exactly nine months' after that, and third, he is well-documented as a human being by meticulously thorough adoption papers from an orphanage in Brazil."

19th May 2015

12:01am: What? 689

that psycho bitch will fuck you up

18th May 2015

12:01am: What? 688
In the behind-the-scenes footage for the movie Dark Shadows, Michelle Pfeiffer said, more or less, "When you were a kid, there was always this one weird family that everybody talked about."

I was watching this with Valerie, and I turned to her and said, "I don't remember any family like that when I was growing up."

For some reason this started Valerie laughing for quite a long time.

17th May 2015

12:01am: What? 687
"Fighting for peace is like fucking for virginity!"

"Hmm. Inarticulate, yet still trite. --There are girls who fuck for virginity, by the bye; quite a few, in fact. Their sexual acts with certain men have the effect of preventing many other girls from being raped. They're called 'cheerleaders'."

16th May 2015

12:01am: What? 686
We are in a new house, and the bathroom off my room has a huge mirror. This turns out to have been coated with that antifogging stuff. Since this layer is meant to adhere to glass, it regrettably adheres to everything else, and makes the mirror effectively uncleanable. It is also impossible to apply in a uniform layer, and as its index of refraction is not negligible it produces some subtle and disturbing distortions* in the reflected image.

As I was laboriously removing it with rubbing alcohol, applied with a spray dispenser normally used to clean my glasses**, it occurred to me that the introduction and steady growth of popularity of this gunge has at least had the effect of spurring the legalization of marijuana, given the millions of hapless victims users who were under the impression they were suffering from glaucoma.

Ill wind, and all that.

(*If they were Daliesque they would be easier to cope with. The true effect is something that belongs in a Shirley Jackson story.)

(**Never do this. My thumbs are now very sore.)

15th May 2015

3:51pm: Answer for question 4368.
What is the biggest turn off for you when you're dating someone?
Not saying what she wants.

But I'm straight, so I just have to cope.
12:01am: What? 685
The Geneva agreements strike me as consisting of good intentions*. My idea of an effective international agreement runs more along the lines of:

ARTICLE ONE: Anything Nation A does to the troops of Nation B may be done by Nation B to every government official and government employee of Nation A, irrespective of the nature of their jobs.

ARTICLE TWO: Any government official or government employee of Nation A who immediately quits his job when he hears that Nation A has done or means to do the thing shall be exempt from this treatment.

ARTICLE THREE: There shall be no statute of limitations on any such response.

(You want peace? This'll help.)

(*Very thorough paving job, mind you.)

14th May 2015

7:33am: Answer for question 4366.
If there were no rules in life, and you could be as outrageous as you wanted to be, what would you do?
Make a goddamn fortune designing weapons.
12:01am: What? 684

Dateline 1975:

Mayor Vaughn: "If we shut down the town goes broke, and we starve, and we die!"

Sheriff Brody: "There is a maneating shark out there, and we die anyway if we don't shut down!"

Stranger: "Excuse me, is there a butcher shop in town?"

Brody: "Yeah, sure."

Stranger: "Great. I'm going to need about five pounds of flank steak, as bloody as possible; a stick of dynamite; a flare gun; and some string."

Vaughn: "Excuse me, who the hell are you?"

Stranger: "Sorry, usually my press people give some notice but I came here as soon as I heard. Howard Stark."

13th May 2015

12:01am: What? 683
"Socialism was voted in because British war veterans were tired of Conservative warmongering!"

"Bollocks. It came in because returning troops didn't compare notes or check their calendars."


"Think about it. They got home, immediately got their wives pregnant, and held the baby as soon as possible."


"So a newborn baby looks exactly like Winston Churchill. And he was home...."

12th May 2015

We moved from Lodi to Sacramento on Saturday. ATT guy showed up today (I should have called days before the move) and all is well.

WHATs will resume once I come up with some dillies again.

Ooo, got one.

11th May 2015

12:01am: What? 682
The Green Party is committed to improving the environment by reducing the number of humans, with special attention to the nonwhite ones.

This is why those folks have to be kept from industrializing: so they can't fight back.

Any dispute of this is going to have to be preceded by an explanation of how an organization which favors a continued ban on DDT, the pesticide which came close to rendering malaria and yellow fever extinct, is made up of people who care about human lives, and not just white lives.

(By the bye: denial is not an explanation, nor is posting links to white supremacist Green denial sites an explanation. Any explanation should also include a description of how Bangladesh can achieve the same standard of living as Fresno-- which has the same population density-- without either industrialization or a sudden massive drop in population, the latter having only ever been accomplished by genocide.)

10th May 2015

12:01am: What? 681
Author: "You've cut out half my main character's dialogue."

Editor: "There's no need to offend the reader."

A: "He's a forty-year Marine sergeant. There's no need to insult the reader's intelligence either."

E: "Using language like that is the last resort of the inarticulate."

A: "What kind of language do you imagine is appropriate for situations of extreme provocation?"

E: "Well, my wife and I have discussed that very thing, and what she suggested was that we say 'gracious' instead of a bad word. What do you think?"

A: "Well, my first impression was that your wife is a gracious gracious gracious, but then it occurred to me she may just be getting revenge on you for being such a gracious, since she's obviously never had a good gracious in her life."

9th May 2015

12:01am: What? 680
After a building in Taiwan was constructed from materials including Cobalt-60 medical waste (from Red China, that just somehow happened to get there), it was discovered that people getting 75 times the normal amount of background radiation were only three percent as likely to get cancer as the general population was.

I have brought this up in front of otherwise intelligent people, who immediately began denying it, and insisting that there must obviously be hidden long-term effects; it was known that any amount of radiation is bad.

Think about the phrase "obviously hidden" for as long as you can stand to, and you'll get a glimmer of my opinion of this reasoning.

Or consider this:

If you are placed in an atmosphere wherein the partial pressure of oxygen is 300 pounds per square inch, you will die quite swiftly and very horribly.

Claims that a partial pressure of 3 pounds per square inch have been repeatedly shown to be beneficial are obviously made by people who are making money from the use of oxygen.

And people who breathe air that has 3 PSI oxygen die eventually no matter what is done for them.

It follows that oxygen is poisonous and must be avoided.

8th May 2015

12:01am: What? 679
Seconds before I posted here, I had come up with a disturbingly funny remark.

It has flown the coop. God, I'm pissed off.

Fibromyalgia is a horrible curse. Anybody can get a brain fart, but I have Irritable Brain Syndrome.
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