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Oh my God. I'm the tin dog.

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25th April 2015

12:01am: What? 666
Can you imagine what it would be like to be a cop in a comic-book Universe? The writers of these things only ever think of obvious crap like how to keep some kind of super locked up. I'm thinking of the fact that if some homeless guy who was scaring passersby is brought in thrashing and saying:

"arghargh gogglewopshinogrit MY ASSHOLE PRAYS TO SATAN",

THEY HAVE TO CHECK.




AUTHORS: THINKING OF THIS STUFF SO YOU DON'T HAVE TO!

24th April 2015

12:01am: What? 665
"Blast it, Spock, if the Universe were logical, underwear would be terrycloth, men would ride sidesaddle, and Siamese cats would have eight legs!"

23rd April 2015

12:01am: What? 664
I do loathe people who make every event an excuse for a product tie-in. Religious fanatics (including "environmentalists" and socialists of every franchise) are the worst offenders: with them it's like being on The Truman Show.

22nd April 2015

3:07pm: Answer for question 4334.
If you could live anywhere in the world, where would that be? Why would you choose that specific place?
Westralia, as it's known to the secessionists.

There's good people there.

And I might be able to talk some into a very useful project I have in mind.
12:01am: What? 663
My experience with women is that the smartest ones I've known had very large breasts, while the near-vegetables were flatchested*.

I can only suppose the contrary view to be propaganda along the lines of Socialists telling everybody what thieves Jews are**.







(*Not an absolute law-- a couple of sisters back in school come to mind-- but more likely than not.)

(**Come to that, far and away the majority of Socialist-leaning women I've known have been flatchested. So that's another example.)

21st April 2015

12:01am: What? 662
Nowadays lack of hypocrisy is diagnosed as Asperger's.

(Originally it just meant "not suitable for membership in the Hitler Youth". Still does, come to think of it.)

20th April 2015

12:01am: What? 661
Never,

ever,

buy,

rent,

or sleep over at,

a house that has a lock on the attic door.

19th April 2015

12:01am: What? 660
Back when I ran RPGs, I occasionally had the PCs encounter very unusual people. I can't recall that many now-- they were mostly throwaway gags-- but one repeater was Selina Wayne, a high-level assassin who had a psychotic obsession with killing vampires ever since she was widowed.

Another was a big blond guy, werebear, not too bright, cursed to always be playing some kind of game with a little boy who never got any older. The guy's name was Edward Saunders.

18th April 2015

12:01am: What? 659
I avoid trigger words because on the one hand I can empathize with people who have been bullied all their lives, and on the other hand I am, in my old age, becoming a gentleman, defined as someone who doesn't give offense unintentionally.

The gripping hand is, I am beginning to feel my time ticking away, and it keeps dullwitted strangers from wasting it.

17th April 2015

12:01am: What? 658
Everybody needs me writing for them.

Comic relief scene from Star Trek TOS:

Spock (after his mother has finished bitching him and his father out): "Why did you marry her?"

Sarek: "At the time it seemed the logical thing to do."

My version?

Spock: "Why did you marry her?"

Sarek: "She makes me laugh."

Everybody needs me writing for them.

16th April 2015

11:48pm: Brad Torgerson's comments on the Hugo mess
Somebody posted this link:

https://bradrtorgersen.wordpress.com/2015/04/14/tribalism-is-as-tribalism-does/

and I thought it well worth reposting.

It is an unexcelled description of the behavior of people who are willing to accept any person of whatever race, creed, sexuality, or origin, as long as said person thinks The Right Way.

The person posting it described it as "wrongheaded".

I think the word he really needed was "doubleplusungood".
12:01am: What? 657
I do not care for green tea.

The flavor makes me think it was produced by Chinese people as a result of drinking black tea.

15th April 2015

8:47am: Answer for question 4324.
Are you a designated organ donor? Why or why not?
I'm still using them.
12:01am: What? 656
Modern day tax structure is modeled on the Roman system*.

Taxes were even collected the same time, then as now.

That being said, Merry Christmas.








(*Including most of the money going to pay government employees, but let it pass, let it pass.)

14th April 2015

12:01am: What? 655
Reporter "loyal to the Truth": "Jesus, watch where you're shooting! Don't you know what to do when you see a PRESS vest?"

Veteran who has seen way too many covert allies die after being named by a "whistleblower": "Aim for the 'E'."

13th April 2015

12:01am: What? 654
Various people used to tell me to get my shit together.

Now I have a huge pile of shit.

On the bright side those people don't come to my house anymore.

12th April 2015

12:01am: What? 653
Ginger Rogers did everything Fred Astaire did, and she was wearing high heels and moving backwards.

Mind you, it cost the studio a goddamn fortune every time she interrupted filming to tell him to stop and ask an electrician for directions.

11th April 2015

12:01am: What? 652
We got hail here in Lodi on Tuesday the 7th. Just about all day long.

I expect as usual to be called a liar by the Actual Weather Deniers.

10th April 2015

7:06am: Answer for question 4318.
Star Trek or Star Wars?
Trek.
12:01am: What? 651
After killing a spider recently, it came to me that if humans ever encounter REALLY BIG beings who think we look just amazingly creepy, we are fucked without a towel.

9th April 2015

12:01am: What? 650
IF I EVER MEET...

Anthony Simcoe:

As soon as we are introduced, I am going to squint one eye, then brighten up and say, "Oh yeah! Beldar the Viking! You were incredible!"

8th April 2015

2:33pm: Answer for question 4314.
Are you usually good at keeping secrets? Describe a time when you tried to keep a secret but accidentally let it slip out. What's the longest you've ever kept a secret?
None of your goddamn business.
12:01am: What? 649
I have an idea for a movie about Michael Moore, his work, his dire predictions, and the ones that have turned out to be true.

I call it FAHRENHEIT 404.

7th April 2015

12:01am: What? 648
Stone: "O servant of Allah, there is a Jew behind me, come and kill him."

Moslem: "Is he armed?"

Stone: "Yes."

Moslem: "Can I speak to another stone?"

6th April 2015

12:01am: What? 647
Given that the First Amendment and its freedom of religion is used as an excuse for churches not paying taxes, shouldn't the same Amendment and its freedom of speech and the press mean that authors don't have to pay taxes?
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