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Oh my God. I'm the tin dog.

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You are viewing the most recent 25 entries.

26th April 2016

12:01am: 987
It has been said that intelligence is knowing a tomato is a fruit, but wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

This is false.

Knowing a tomato is a fruit is education. It's not putting it in a fruit salad which is intelligence.

Wisdom is realizing who makes money from people getting this wrong.

25th April 2016

12:01am: 987
My new favorite conspiracy theory is that Gavrilo Prizip was framed.

Obviously by Woodrow Wilson.






(On reflection, that makes more sense than any other I've heard.)

24th April 2016

11:29am: I JUST HAD TO TELL YOU
I have started work on a story whose viewpoint setting is the whorehouse for an orbital construction job. It surely makes sense on every level that there should be such a thing.

What could the title of such a work be, you wonder?

What else?

LA GRANGE.






AUTHORS: THINKING OF THIS STUFF SO YOU DON'T HAVE TO!

23rd April 2016

12:01am: 986
Esperanto is an artificial language with absolutely regular verbs and structure. It is used by a small, elite group who share a specific philosophy, and by nobody else. It appears in print only as a curiosity.

It is the result of a successful attempt to create a form of communication which possesses all the characteristics of, in fact, a dead language.

16th April 2016

12:01am: 985
My father wrote the memoirs for a man who had commanded a Japanese submarine in WWII, and learned an appalling thing, to wit:

Much of the Japanese high command got its impression of American military capability from our movies.

It was an article of unshakable faith that the Japanese Navy could overwhelm the United States Navy, because Japanese sailors did not sing and dance.

12th April 2016

12:01am: 984
It suddenly strikes me as odd that I have never seen a T-shirt that said

WILL
FUCK
FOR
SEX

.

3rd April 2016

12:01am: 983
Jackie Chan has made some great pictures*. A few have struck me as being of a kind; that is, having the same general outline. As they are good, I am not complaining. It's just that... well, in each of them, there is some ordinary shlub, who gets hold of some potion or gadget or talisman or whatever, and it turns him into, fundamentally, Jackie Chan.

Am I the only one who's realized this specific thing?






(*My understanding is that with Kung Fu Panda 3 he has now made three movies without acquiring a new scar; but I am wandering afield.)

2nd April 2016

12:01am: 982
"What's your impression of her?"

"I think when she walks into a haunted house the spiders hide."

1st April 2016

12:01am: 981
I have solved Dickens' Mystery Of Edwin Drood.

Drood is clearly a misspelling of Druid, he was the last descendant of the priesthood, and he was murdered by a wicker golem.

REVENGE!









The date on this is happenstance. Lots of my Whats qualify for this date.

31st March 2016

5:16pm: Life Update!
IMMANENCE is out! An anthology of stories of gods and demons in modern settings. I did one of each.

http://www.amazon.com/Immanence-Jae-Eyn​on-ebook/dp/B01DN2CS1A

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Immanence-Jae-E​ynon-ebook/dp/B01DN2CS1A

Please do purchase if you have a Kindle. According to the contracts I get 10.6 cents a copy, which may not sound like much but I assure you is not at all bad for an anthology that sells for $2.99.

I read the sample on Amazon, and I must conclude that editor J. A. Aldis was looking for stories with an original take. (I mean, this one was, and, well, you folks know my work.)
12:01am: 980
I will now explain the Monty Hall Fallacy.

If you aren't familiar with the Monty Hall Problem, look it up. I'll still be here.

[...out where the mountains meet the heavens above, out where the lightning splits the sea...]

Back already? Okay.

Imagine you are in a position to, oh, just as a complete hypothetical, choose from three people the one you believe will look after your safety as well as possible while protecting your freedom.

You have no way of knowing what's actually going on inside their heads.

You've picked one.

You learn that one of the other two once captured, fattened, and ate a total stranger, demonstrating that this person is not overconcerned with either freedom or safety.

According to the Monty Hall Fallacy, you should now change your vote to the remaining candidate.

30th March 2016

12:01am: 979
As a teen I worked with my father as a carpenter, and sometimes when I said "fuck" he used to say, "Hey, I was an altar boy."

It is a source of terrible regret that I never once replied, "You want to stop on the way home and pick up some Preparation H?"

29th March 2016

12:01am: 978
Hillary's campaign is hindered by the unfortunate circumstance that the Democrat Party's reality check has bounced.

28th March 2016

12:01am: 977
It has occurred to me that these programs that spring paternity results on people are like game shows.

"Hello, America! I'm Montel Williams, and it's time to play

"Who's

"Your

"DADDY?"

--Shouldn't they at least have prizes?

27th March 2016

12:01am: 976
Today we celebrate the occasion when Jesus came forth from his tomb, looked about, and said:


"BRRAAAINNS!"

25th March 2016

12:01am: 975
"Jesus, what happened to those five?"

"Threw a surprise party for a Marine."

"Oewe. And he reacted like it was an ambush."

"No, he just beat the shit out of them. Do you like surprise parties?"

24th March 2016

12:01am: 974
BMWs are at constant risk of damage from people backing into them, on account of them having no reflection.

23rd March 2016

10:14am: Yesterday
I finished my story rewrite for the Shipstar anthology and sent it off to Larry Niven and Gregory Benford, who approved it at once.

Is it weird that that still surprises me a little? That Gregory the physicist and Larry the Nebula Grandmaster should look at my work and say, "Okay"... and then when I clarify an idea that I thought hadn't been spelled out enough, they both say, "Even better"?

I started out as a newbie writer in a series whose prior authors had all been handpicked. My third published story was recommended for a Nebula. When I asked the world's most successful living SF author for story ideas he suggested collaboration and sent me half a nanotech story he had stalled on... and the half a story I'd stalled on fitted it so well I finished my part in four months. I've been solicited for other anthologies, and in a bit over thirteen years of anthology submissions I have never had a story rejected.

The only excuse I could really have for being surprised at this point is a nagging suspicion that I was in a really awful accident in 2002 and was given something very new to make my last moments happy.

But my fucking knee hurts too much.
12:01am: 973
Fiction has to be plausible. Real life is under no such constraints.

22nd March 2016

12:01am: 972
"What, you think you can kick my ass?"

"Dude, I could kick your ass off."

21st March 2016

12:01am: 971
Everything is a trick.

20th March 2016

12:01am: 970
Everything is a test.

19th March 2016

12:01am: 969
Everything is a game.

16th March 2016

12:01am: 968
CHANGE ONE THING AND YOU GET:

"Lots of crazy stupid people are using clotting factors when they don't need them, and there have been overdoses and some people become dependent on it, so we're going to treat your hemophilia with what we call Bleeding Management to keep it down to a level we can live with."
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