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Oh my God. I'm the tin dog.

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6th February 2016

12:01am: 930
AN OPEN LETTER TO MICHAEL BAY AND STEVEN SPIELBERG:

"Gosh! If only we had some way of slamming a jet of molten high-density metal through a target at hypersonic speed!"

"You mean like a shaped charge?"

"Damn, if we had something like that we could take down any Decepticon we wanted with one shot!"

"How about a shaped charge?"

"But I guess our only option is to let giant robots with car parts sticking out of them use kung fu moves on opponents who seem to have completely forgotten they can fly."

"Or, just spitballing here, use surface-to-air homing missiles armed with a shaped charge apiece?"

"Hey, you just gonna stand around babbling or do something useful, like firing machine guns at heavy armor and spraying the area with ricochets?"

5th February 2016

12:01am: 929
"I've got good news and bad news, Miss. The good news is that your results have come back, and you appear to be in the most nearly perfect health of anyone I have examined in the twenty-three years I've been practicing medicine. The bad news is that you were also typed after you signed that organ donor card, and you're a perfect tissue match for Hillary Clinton."

4th February 2016

12:01am: 928
"Are you screwing with me?"

"Can you remember your name?"

"...Yeah?"

"Then I must not be screwing with you."

3rd February 2016

12:01am: 927
Only five days left until the start of National Fellatio Week! Shop now!

(And remember, chocolate has been medically established as helpful to people who have difficulty swallowing!)

2nd February 2016

12:01am: 926
I was always the smartest kid in class.

Also the scrawniest. Combination of bad food, health issues, and being a year younger than the rest of the class.

If I got in a fight-- check that; when I was attacked, I never started it-- I would do whatever I could think of.

In the event that I won I was invariably abused by school authorities. Calling me an animal was the mildest thing that was said or done.

And sooner or later the phrase "fight fair" came up.

FOR THE RECORD:

"A fair fight" means limited to physical aptitude and rigid rules. Strength, speed, and initiative determine the outcome.

The phrase "fight fair" therefore means:

LET THE BULLY WIN.







I will have no part of this atrocity.

1st February 2016

4:28pm: Answer for question 4604.
What's your favorite way to wind down at the end of a stressful day (or even just a regular day)? Why is this activity relaxing for you?
What is this "wind down" of which you speak?

31st January 2016

12:01am: 925
There is a phrase I have had lodged in my head for years, and it is extremely vivid in my mind, but I cannot make anything of it.

Therefore I am inflicting it on my friends.

KLINGON PETTING ZOO.

30th January 2016

9:47am: Incidentally
Seven cats in the house make it a little tighter to make ends meet. I really am standing hat in hand here if anyone can spare some cash. My PayPal ID is shandalimas@earthlink.net if you can manage it.

If you can't, then, well, welcome to the boat.
6:18am: Bio update
The current Supervisor population has increased by two.

Previous members, in order of arrival, were Tuxedo, Chocolate Chip Cookie, Willow, Eclipse, and Janelle.

The newest are Whitney and Buttski. Both are butterballs, and we are already working to slim them down.

JSYK.
12:01am: 924
I think the current Administration should endorse candidates who support its political goals by hosting a nationwide* transfusion drive. This will make a clear statement about what they've been trying to accomplish since 2009.

For a motto I suggest BLOOD AND HONOR.



(*Today this country.)

29th January 2016

12:01am: 923
There are people who say that billionaires spend way too much money on stupid stuff. One of those people is me. There are even people who say that the money should be taken away and spent on sensible stuff, but that's where they lose me.

See, I was raised by a historian. He set down what actually happened, which is why most people have never heard of him. I learned to ignore the definitions of the terms people use for themselves and for their opponents, and look at what they actually do.

There are fundamentally two ways to do something about people wasting money. Both involve Hoovering out their pockets.

One way is to wave something shiny in front of people and put a fat price tag on it, then spend some money on stuff you need, invest, and generally provide employment to people who need the work. In societies where people do this, billionaires tend to be hostile to the government.

The other way is to just take money away from people on the grounds that they don't know what's good for them anyway. Funnily enough, in every society where people do this, billionaires are the government.





I think I may have just worked out that liberals should vote for Donald Trump.

Nah, what am I saying, Hillary's got way more money.

26th January 2016

6:53am: Answer for question 4600.
What's your favorite beverage that you drink often (daily or near-daily)? Why do you enjoy it so much?
Tea. It's tea. Duh.

25th January 2016

10:55pm: JSYK
I finally have a PayPal account, at shandalimas@earthlink.net. All rich people who wonder why they can't find more good stuff to read and need an author to support, please note.
12:01am: 922
I have just figured out the precise difference between fear and terror.

Fear is the unreasoned belief that you're going to die.

Terror is the conviction that you'll want to.

24th January 2016

12:01am: 921
When your lover says to you, "You can tell me anything," here is the correct response:

Dress in the lobby.

Just get up, grab your clothes, and run.

It'll save you the trouble of picking them up off the ground outside the window.

This has been a public service announcement.

23rd January 2016

12:01am: 920
I am the one who does laundry for this household.

One time when I was loading the washer, I suddenly realized what people mean by "the smell of clean laundry":

"Not farts."

21st January 2016

3:01pm: Answer for question 4597.
What is the best or most memorable compliment that you’ve ever received? Who was it from, and why did it mean so much to you?
I was at a convention chatting with someone who turned out to be a publisher, and when I finally mentioned my name she said, delightedly, "Oh, that's you!"

I mentioned this to Larry Niven when I saw him a little later, and he said, "Better get used to that."

Totally offhanded. Clearly expecting me to be the focus of great admiration.

This was like tripping a pursesnatcher with my cane and then sitting on him, and having Batman show up and say, "Nice."

20th January 2016

5:03pm: Answer for question 4596.
Assume someone gave you one million dollars, but the catch was that you couldn't keep any of it for yourself -- you had to give it all to other people. Who would you give it to? Would you split it up to give a little to lots of people, or would you give it all to just one person?
I would give almost all of it to one person, but I would split about fifty grand among various people I know, and some that I just happen to meet.

19th January 2016

12:01am: 919
Doesn't "clitoris" sound like a name a Southern woman might give her daughter because the word sounded interesting?

I can just see some Southern teenage boy sitting thunderstruck after a sex education class, and asked if he was all right. "Yes, but this is sure going to be a shock for my Aunt Clitoris... although it does explain why she won't see a doctor about those spells she gets sometimes."

16th January 2016

12:01am: 918
Okay, RSVP:

Whose favorite part of Toy Story 3 was the fifteen-year Brick Joke?

(Highlight if you're not sure what I mean.)






"THE CLAW!"

15th January 2016

12:01am: 917
Earlier this week, Fearless Leader announced that he was opposed to partisan rhetoric... which he immediately blamed on the Other Guys.

Later on David Bowie died.

Then Alan Rickman died.

In a past life did I condemn someone to be eaten by mice?

14th January 2016

3:02pm: Answer for question 4592.
Did you watch the State of the Union address earlier this week? What did you think of it? Do you wish the president had addressed something in particular that he didn't, or spoke more strongly about anything specific?
Earlier this week President Obama called for an end to hostile rhetoric and polarization, which would have gotten him thrown out of his Party and probably whacked if he had not immediately made it clear he was blaming Republicans for all of it.

11th January 2016

12:01am: 916
In this difficult new year, with all the campaign slogans being flung about, let us not forget the primary underlying principle of the modern environmentalist movement when it was founded in 1933:

It's Not Overpopulation If They're White.

10th January 2016

12:01am: 915
"You can't cheat an honest man" - Ascribed to W. C. Fields, but told to honest men by con artists since time immemorial.

7th January 2016

8:42pm: A friend has died.
Her secret identity was Deborah, but here we knew her as hogwartsvixxxen.

She stood guard with us against the forces of mediocrity and tedium, and cut them down and drove them back without hesitation or doubt.

And now her watch is ended.
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